Talkin’ Bowling Green Massacre Blues #45

Now I heard her blab all ‘bout it one day
Her voice a crackling’
On the tee vee con waves

We gotta shut ‘em out
Got t’ shut ‘em down
Can’t have them people
Floodin’ to our town

Don’t ya see? she schemed
As her eyes grew wide
That last guy did it too
We gotta stem the tide

Well, I set down m’ sandwich
On top a’ m’ knee
‘n’ picked up the clicker
Shut off that malarkey

But before I could
She said somethin’ startled me
‘Twas a tale the newsman never told
‘Bout a Bowling Green Massacree

Bowling Green Wha? Where? I thought
Now that don’t seem right
So I clicked up the sound
‘n’ choked down some more vegemite

She prattled ‘n’ chirped
Her platinum doo bobbin’
Then came the talkin’ head melee
‘n’ my head started throbbin’

So I poured myself a whiskey
‘n’ took a stiff nip
Then kicked back the recliner
‘n’ drifted off on a trip

A fairy in sunglasses led me out to a pier
As he flew off he yelled
“It’ll be a riot!”
I said I thought that was queer

To my right was a Tiller’s son
And beside him a black bear
Behind them stood a spy
Who gave a blank stare

A goat lady wore pearls
And read a book upside down
Surveilling all was a fat man
Who clutched beneath his cloak a gold crown

“There must be hundreds here!”
I remarked to a midget in an ill-fitting suit
“There are far more — thousands — millions!” he barked
Then went back to counting his loot

A foghorn’s blow pierced the air
‘n’ my whole body shook
But it wasn’t a ship horn at all
Just that blond TV crook

“It never happened” she croaked
“It was an innocent mistake.”
“Ha,” I smirked, clicking off the tee vee
“That’s one way to prevaricate.”

Well, now I don’t care just what ya do
If you wanna keep watchin’ the news
That’s up t’ you

But don’t tell me about it
I don’t wanna hear it
‘Cause ya see
I just lost all my tee vee spirit

Yep, that’s right
I’ve had enough
No more vegemite ‘n’ hard stuff
From now on it’s all p.b. ‘n’ fluff

Lyrics and illustration by Kate Kaye © 2017